The Grieving Process | Martin Funeral, Cremation & Tribute Services (2024)

The Grieving Process

Every person is unique in the way he or she handles the loss of a loved one. While the grieving process is different for each of us, we all experience some common feelings as we work toward healing from our loss.

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Our responses to the different feelings that occur during the grieving process are often described as “stages.” These stages are not tied down to “real time”, and people do not necessarily move in and out of the stages in an orderly, straightforward manner. Stages can last for minutes or hours. It is not unusual to move into and out of one stage and then to another, and cycle back again to the first one. You may find yourself repeating this process a number of times as you continue to work through your grief.

There are five commonly observed stages that people experience during the grieving process. These stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

At the beginning, you may feel a sense of detachment, shock, or numbness. You may even wonder why you are not more upset over your loss. This feeling of disconnection is a survival response. It is simply nature's way of helping you to continue to function on a basic level while under extreme stress. Denial is a tool that unconsciously enables you to do the things that are necessary to carry on with your life in the days immediately following your loss.

Anger provides a bridge of connection from the initial numbness of grief. You may find yourself angry at the doctors, your family, the loved one who died, or at God. Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Your anger is connected to your pain. The more you truly allow yourself to feel your anger alongside the pain, the more it will diminish, and the more you will heal.

Before and after a loss, you may feel like you would have done anything if only your loved one would be spared. “If only” and “what if” becomes a recurrent thought. Guilt often accompanies bargaining. You may wonder if you could have done anything differently so that your loved one might still be alive. You may try to second-guess the doctors and yourself. You may revert to living in the past to avoid the pain of the present.

After bargaining, feelings of emptiness and grief present themselves on a deeper level. This depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. When a loss fully settles in your soul, and you realize that your loved one is not coming back, feelings of deep sadness (depression) are normal. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be very unusual. Depression is a necessary step toward healing.

Eventually you come to terms with your bereavement as you move into the acceptance stage of grief. At this point, the loss has become part of your story and your history. It does not consume your life in the same way it did to begin with. With acceptance comes increased peace. As you move through this stage, you will find yourself once more interested in and able to enjoy some of the things that you formerly liked to do. You may develop new interests and relationships. You have learned to live with your loss in a way that is constructive and healing.


How long am I going to feel this way?

Every person is different, and so is their grief. Each person will follow a different path toward healing. Although there is no right or wrong amount of time to complete the grieving process, many experts agree that it is not unusual to take at least a year to move through the grieving process.

Complicated Grief

The duration of the mourning process can also be influenced by your relationship to the deceased, the amount of support you receive, and other factors.

Sometimes the healing process may become disrupted or delayed if other events or traumatic losses have previously occurred in a person’s life. This may be especially true if the other loss is relatively recent, or has never been fully processed in and of itself. This grief experience is known as “complicated grief.” People who are dealing with this type of grief may benefit by working with professionals who are trained in dealing with complex grief issues.

If, after some time has passed, you find your grief is still persistent and disruptive to the point where it impacts your daily functions, please seek professional counseling.

The Grieving Process | Martin Funeral, Cremation & Tribute Services (2024)

FAQs

How long does the grieving process take? ›

There is no set length or duration for grief, and it may come and go in waves. However, according to 2020 research , people who experience common grief may experience improvements in symptoms after about 6 months, but the symptoms largely resolve in about 1 to 2 years.

How does a funeral help in the grief process? ›

Funerals are a vital part of the healing process when dealing with the loss of a loved one. They offer structure, emotional support, and the opportunity for reflection and acceptance—and provide a means for loved ones to find closure and celebrate the life of the deceased.

Do memorial services help people grieve? ›

A memorial service provides an opportunity for goodbyes and symbolizes a passage from life to remembrance. It allows individuals to confront the reality of death and take deliberate steps toward accepting the loss. This ceremony can be vital in helping individuals move through the stages of grief.

What is the hardest stage of grief? ›

There really is no stage that is the hardest or one that all people get stuck in the longest. That said, for some people, the hardest stage might be the “depression” stage while for others this might be the bargaining stage of grief or “anger.”.

What stage of grief is usually the longest? ›

Depression

Depression and sadness sets in once you accept reality. This is the longest stage because people can linger in it for months, if not years. Depression can cause feelings of helplessness, sadness, and lack of enthusiasm.

Is grief harder after the funeral? ›

And those offering cremation services Buckner, MO , can help you through the journey. Many people don't realize that the funeral begins the grieving process. In fact, for some people, the grief process can get worse after the funeral. It may seem counterintuitive, but it's quite common.

When someone dies you need to grieve? ›

Mourning A Loved One

You will mourn and grieve. Mourning is the natural process you go through to accept a major loss. Mourning may include religious traditions honoring the dead or gathering with friends and family to share your loss. Mourning is personal and may last months or years.

What does a person need to get through the grieving process? ›

Although the death of a loved one can feel overwhelming, many people make it through the grieving process with the support of family and friends. Take care of yourself, accept offers of help from those around you, and be sure to get counseling if you need it.

What is the difference between a funeral service and a memorial service? ›

Funeral vs Memorial Service

A funeral service occurs with the body is present and has four main parts: the visitation, funeral, committal, and reception. In contrast, a memorial service contains much of the same structure although the deceased's body is not present at the service.

How do you plan a memorial service after cremation? ›

After Deciding on a Cremation Service
  1. Consider what kind of ceremony you would like to have. ...
  2. Ask for assistance from your family and friends. ...
  3. Select the music, prayers, or other readings. ...
  4. Contact guests well ahead of time. ...
  5. Decide what will be done with the cremated remains.

How soon after death should you have a memorial service? ›

Today's bereaved have more flexibility when it comes to planning and scheduling a cremation, funeral, or memorial service. In the U.S. the services typically take place between 3 and 7 days after the death.

How long do people take off for grief? ›

It is common for employers to give about three to five days, but all organisations have different policies and/or exercise their discretion differently. If your employer has a bereavement leave or compassionate leave policy, this should set out your entitlement.

How much time do you get for grieving? ›

California law guarantees most employees up to five days of bereavement leave from work following the death of a family member.

How long does it take to grieve a sudden death? ›

For survivors, the grieving process can take many years. The challenge of accepting death and dying as the end stage of life is what the grieving process is all about.

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